Something happened to me recently. I met a friend of a previous boss of mine in a bar, we got talking about my professional background and he invited me for an interview at his property investment start-up.
That conversation happened late at night and the guy seemed pretty intoxicated, so I didn’t think much of it. Just another one of those drunken conversations where you put the world to rights and make plans of how you’ll do so, but it never actually happens.
I’d put it to the back of my mind when a day later he messaged me asking when I could come in for the interview. We scheduled a morning a few days later and the next thing I know, I’m quitting my job to work for him full time.
At the time, I was at one of those in-between stages in life that you seem never too far away from in your twenties. Although enjoying life, I was in a dead-end job and didn’t know how to make my dreams a reality, in all honesty, I didn’t really know what my dreams looked like.
With nothing to lose I figured working for this guy who was offering a good salary and a pathway to growth a shot.
It wasn’t long before the red flags started popping up, but it took me while to admit to them.
From day one he looked at me in that way that women from all walks of life are familiar with - with eyes that suggest he’s looking for something more. But he never flirted with me and I was sure to be my most professional self around him at all times, so I assumed it was safe.
I was a few weeks into the job when he called me sexy. Not as a pronoun but as more of a passing remark. I brushed it off, dismissing it as something lost in translation seeing that his first language wasn’t English.
A week or so later he expanded on that thought and said, in front of the office, that I had a “mysterious sexy thing about me”. My entire body cringed upon hearing this and I shrank down with embarrassment into my pleather office chair with my mouth firmly shut.
At this point I had gleaned as much that he had a crush on me. But as he never flirted and our conversations were always professional, I put it down to something a-kin to a high school-ish infatuation that he’d likely keep to himself.
It was about two months into the job when he first tried to touch me.
I was at the same bar where we’d had our initial conversation, a place I frequented as it served as a meeting point for my social group. Coincidently, he’d started going there frequently too.
Somehow he ended up sitting next to me as I sat with my little dog curled up asleep on my lap. He started petting the dog but would often miss and stroke my leg instead.
I didn’t say anything about it and took it as an honest mistake. We were in a dark bar after all, and the short-smooth coat of my miniature dachshund wouldn’t feel as dog-like as a poodle would.
A few weeks later at the same bar we were sat on the stools and he bent over to pick his bag up off the floor, brushing my leg with the back of his hand as he did so. Alarm bells were well and truly sounding by that point. But yet again I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt - the doubt being too many glasses of cava from his part and our dimly lit surroundings.
I was working so hard at the job back then. Although I found it to be monotonous to say the least, I had my sights set on a promotion in the coming months as a spot was opening up.
He was well aware of my ambitions and encouraged me to pursue them, saying directly to me that I was great for the role as manager and that the position was as good as mine so long as I wanted it. In my head I was already thinking of the bigger apartment I would be able to move into and the weekend getaways I’d be able to treat myself to thanks to a swanky promotion.
I remember feeling how lucky I was that I’d stumbled across this opportunity, that I’d have a stable income and prosperous job for as long as I wanted, I almost felt like I’d made it.
But it wasn’t long before the third strike happened.
Predictably, at the same bar, he again used the ‘I have to grab my bag from the floor’ trick, only this time it was a grope rather than a graze. He groped my leg from my knee down to my ankle with the palm of his hand. I knew instantly that it was intentional, there was no mistaking it.
As women, it’s drilled into our subconscious from when we’re small to not make a scene. Always be kind, polite, don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, don’t draw attention to yourself or tricky situations.
I always thought I’d be the sort of person to buck against that mindset, that I’d be the one to slap the guy in the face and loudly ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing. Instead I just sat there.
That same night he became rambunctious with his words, likely spurred on by my lack of reaction, he started to say that people in the office thought we’d make a great couple and that we were destined for each other.
I knew the moment those words left his mouth exactly what was going on. He was trying to manipulate me in whatever way he could despite the fact I had not once given him any sort of indication of interest.
I left the bar that night feeling entirely numb from inside-out. Like so many women, this wasn't the first time in my life a male boss had tried something on with me, and I felt utterly defeated.
I struggled with it for a while. With the inescapable misogyny of men assuming their rights to our bodies and affections. We aren’t even safe with those who are supposed to be their most professional around us.
Time has taught me that my mind was protecting me back then. That instead of coming to the realisation the guy I was working for was a total sleazebag in amongst the tightly packed crowd of my favourite bar, my brain allowed the information to seep in slowly over the coming days.
I lost all respect for the guy and knew I couldn’t work for him anymore.
I was lucky. I quit the job and started moving on with my life thanks to some savings in the bank and a great support system around me. I was able to put my mental health and safety first. Not all women enjoy the same luxuries.
A 2016 survey by Trades Union Congress found that 52% of UK women have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. For disabled women the statistics are even more shocking with 7 in 10 reporting sexual harassment at work.
It's hard to see a way forward with these statistics, coupled with the recent upsurges in popularity of figures like Andrew Tate who publicly shout their misogynistic ideologies to millions of followers. Tate has tweeted such things as, "Next point, if you put yourself in a position to be raped, you must bare some responsibility. I'm not saying it's OK you got raped.".
But efforts are being made to level the playing field, and the scores back it up. A 2022 IPSOS survey found that 80% of men believe gender inequality exists. This is up 11% from 2016 when IPSOS found that 69% of men recognised the existence of gender inequality.
If acknowledging the issue is the first step towards eradicating misogynistic behaviour, then we're on the right track.
For this we can thank the tireless efforts of organisations who have laid foundations for workplaces to become safer spaces than those of times gone by.
It's over fifty years since the women's union 9-5 was founded by a group of Boston office workers fed up with their male co-workers inappropriate advances towards them. The organisation went on to inspire the hit song and film released in 1980 with the same name, catapulting the issue of sexual harassment and misogyny in the workplace to public consciousness.
This helped shift the tides for women to be respected in all classes of work and helped push the door further open for women to enter higher ranking jobs.
9-5, the organisation, is still up and running today and helps countless women across the US to remain secure and respected in their place of work. They have also made progress by putting forward national policies, such as the 1978 Pregnancy Discrimination Act and more recently in 2009, the Fair Pay Act which was signed into law by Barrack Obama.
Although the UK followed suit and signed its own Fair Pay Act into law in 2010, analysis published by The Guardian in 2023 estimated that 4 out of 5 UK employers still pay men more than women, this statistic has remained unchanged since 2017.
In September 2023, the issue of unequal pay unintentionally reared its controversial head during a live Sky News broadcast. A debate about misogyny and free speech between Moya Lothian-McLean, editor at Novara Media, and Connor Tomlinson, writer at GB News, accidently uncovered that Lothian-McLean was not being paid for the interview whilst Tomlinson was.
You can watch the debate play out and hear Lothian-McLean's commentary on the situation here.
If you’re in the UK and need support or would like to volunteer your time, ACAS (The Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) is an organisation which provides legal assistance for victims of workplace inequality, advocates for better treatment for all in the workplace, and supports women through cases of sexual assault or harassment by their colleagues or employers.
ACAS assisted in the implication of the Worker Protection Act, which is coming into effect in later this year and puts responsibility on employers to initiate appropriate steps to 'prevent sexual harassment of their employees in the workplace'.
Gender equality in the workplace has improved tenfold since the 20th century - there’s no doubt - yet in the 21st century, the fight is undeniably still very much alive.
コメント